Can't Keep Up With This Damn Thing, Ya'll.

The world, I mean. I have a million thoughts a day, and I can't even manage to put one of them down here per day. I simply have no idea how these hardcore blogger types seem to put together these monster posts every day. Don't they have day jobs that suck out their very soul and every last square inch of their creativity? Well, don't they?

Anyway, been a crazed week or two. Got harrassed by the United States Postal Service, got shit on by God in the form of several hundred thousand tons of white diarrhea, discovered that even founders of children's charities can be homophobic pricks (scroll to the bottom of the page), and came to the conclusion that according to the current state of country music, modern-day cowboys are complete fucking idiots.

Seriously. I've heard harder-edged music come out of the mouths of Hillary and Hailey Duff. Whatever happened to Johnny Fuckin' Cash? Hank Williams? Dolly Parton? Loretta Lynn? Christ, Loretta's in her '70s, and her last record could kick the living shit out of every single record on the country Billboard chart right now (with the exception of the Johnny Fuckin' Cash record, of course). When I think about country music, I think about songs that include shooting someone in the back just to watch them die. Songs about sadness. Despair. Alcohol addiction. Beating your woman solely because dammit, the no-good cheating bitch was asking for it. Today, though, I heard a song with a lyric that actually rhymed the words 'baked beans' with 'blue jeans'. Um, what?

Ok, here's the truth - I really don't think modern-day cowboys are complete idiots. I only think that about the fans of country music. I have to believe that if you went into a SERIOUS cowboy bar, way out in the middle of Shit-All Nowhere, and played a Shania Twain album for anymore than 40 seconds, somebody would end up with a jukebox crammed up their freshly-branded ass.

Real cowboys shouldn't be caught dead listening to the majority of this shit. The pap that dominates country-western radio stations today is not, I repeat, NOT real country music. It is watered-down, softened-up, sugar-coated pop music with slide guitars and nasally accents in it. That's it. To be honest, it's about as country as Phil Donahue.

Kenny Chesney? Please. June Carter's rotting corpse has more talent still left in it than that balding little fuck will ever have. I mean, come on - he actually stuck his dick in this. Ew.

Brooks and Dunn? Haggard and Yoakam.

Top 40 country music is for boring old white people that find it necessary to tell you what make of truck they drive every eleven seconds. That wear pants tight enough for you to determine what religion they are. That voted for Bush. Twice.