Oh, please.

And I'm supposed to continue to fawn over every move these two fuckwits make?

From the Post, of course -

"BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie got top dollar for the first pictures of baby Shiloh - but they made the weekly celeb glossies work for it. All the weekly magazine editors were summoned to the offices of the Getty photo agency at Canal and Varick late Saturday night. "We were sequestered into separate and un-air-conditioned offices," said one. "The photos were shown to us around 10 p.m. to midnight, and then we had to submit bids by 6 a.m. Sunday morning. No one got any sleep at all, as it was a manic game of phone-tag to top each other's bids. I'm convinced it was Brangie's revenge on the weekly magazines." The pictures went to People for $4.1 million."

What, no walking on fire to get to their sequestered hotboxes? And they actually got to keep their clothes on throughout the process? Without being stripsearched? Or having ANY of their digits cut off at ANY time?

Oh, that Brad and Angie. What kind, thoughtful givers they are.

Shiloh - The Freshmaker!

Yeah, I know I'm supposed to be writing the conclusion of my ode to the new Christ figure here, but instead, I'm gonna bitch about Her parents.

Okay, so I know I'm supposed to well up with tears and gratitude because Brad and Angelina are selling pictures of Shiloh to Getty Images for charity. I mean, gosh, it's just a really beautiful and meaningful gesture, and believe me, I am verklempt beyond all comprehension at the mere mention of their selflessness. No, really. All of the tears of joy in my eyes right now are making it incredibly hard to type, and the instant I am done, I plan to fall on my knees, point myself Namibia-ward, and give thanks. But first, I plan to puke my guts out in this little space right here that I call home.

Okay, first of all, they're rich. Both of 'em. They're far from a single-income family, to say the absolute bottom-line minimum. If you've got more money than God as it is, why is it necessary to sell pictures of your children to make a contribution to charity? Especially when five minutes after they're released, every single one of those pictures of the kid are gonna be splattered all over the blogs like so much beer on a toilet seat at a keg party. Brad, Ang, sweeties - just write a fucking check and shut the hell up already, k? Just because you sell pictures of the Christ child to some snooty institution whose last gig was probably along the lines of snapping pics of Firecrotch and Karl "Walking Korpse" Lagerfeld trying to look moody and intellectual doesn't mean that every paparazzi in the known world still won't spend their pathetic little lives running after you. You're rich, famous, gorgeous, and the envy of the world over, so cut the high-minded, self-righteous horseshit and cut the fucking check already.

In fact, if you REALLY wanted to feed a few hungry mouths, you'd keep the pics of Shiloh in the album where they belong, make a sex tape, and put the fucker on eBay. Do that, and Africa would become the most obese country on Earth in five seconds flat.

In closing, this kicks ass. Enjoy Slayer Day, everyone.